


A New Beginning

by SwanQueenScotty



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2504942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanQueenScotty/pseuds/SwanQueenScotty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After more than a year of not being face to face with Kalinda, Alicia spots a very pregnant Kalinda whilst she is on a train on the way to work. Takes place around about 8/9 months after Will's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On The Bench

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DrKCooper](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=DrKCooper).



> This is my very first ever piece of fan fiction so please be gentle with me. I was watching an episode of ER where Carol was found in a similar situation and I thought it would be a great story for a Kalicia story...

It is a cold and snowy December morning when Kalinda is on her way to work. Her car had been towed away while it had been parked illegally as she was questioning one of Lemond Bishop’s guys. She reckoned that Bishop had called the tow truck company on purpose since he didn’t like her questioning any of his men. Hence, she was taking the 'L' to work this morning. Kalinda's working at Florrick, Agos and Lockhart now and had been since Diane joined their start-up firm about a month earlier. And yet, she and Alicia keep missing each other at the F/A/L offices. Cary and Kalinda called it quits with each other when Cary found out that Kalinda had been seeing Lana behind his back. Now Kalinda isn’t sleeping with anyone for obvious reasons. Cary doesn’t even tell Alicia that Kalinda is pregnant. But Diane lets it slip when she tells Alicia that she is bringing Kalinda with her to the firm. Alicia is really surprised, and just concerned whether Kalinda will be able to do her job well enough. She wonders who the father is… Cary? Can’t be Cary… surely he would have told her if he was the father. Diane assures her that Kalinda is fine and able to work. 

Kalinda is on the train when her water breaks. She swears and mutters something under her breath as she gets off at the next stop.

Alicia catches the 'L' to work that morning since her car is getting serviced. She is looking out the window when she happens to spot Kalinda sitting on the bench as the train stops. Kalinda has a shocked look on her face. Alicia quickly jumps off the train to check if Kalinda is alright as she is holding her stomach like she in pain. She practically runs over to Kalinda.

“Kalinda! Are you ok? Do you need me to call an ambulance?”

“Alicia….hi….um….” Kalinda doesn’t know what to say. It's been over a year since she’s seen Alicia face to face, this close.

“Are you alright?”

“My water broke.”

"How long ago?”

“Um… about 15 minutes," Kalinda is breathing in and out slowly. Alicia can see she’s in pain.

“You’re already having contractions?”

Kalinda nods.

“How many?”

“Two…”

“How far apart?”

“Seven or eight minutes…”

“Have you called an ambulance?

“No… Northwestern Memorial is just one stop away.” 

Kalinda is breathing heavier now.

“Why didn’t you get on the train?”

Kalinda looks at Alicia and raises a sculpted eyebrow,

“You try walking during labour pain.”

“Okaaaayyy…. how far along are you?

“Thirty-eight weeks”

“Can I call someone for you? Who's the father? Cary?” At this, Kalinda rolls her eyes.

“No”, Kalinda keeps breathing in and out quickly.

“Then who?”

Kalinda looks at Alicia for a moment and has a very worried expression on her face. Alicia’s eyes widen,

“Please don’t tell me Peter,” Alicia gulps.  
Now Kalinda’s eyes widen in shock,

“WHAT?! Peter? Alicia, you have got to be kidding!!! I know you don’t think that pregnancy lasts for more than 5 years since that was the one and only time I ever slept with him!!! God!” 

Now Kalinda looks annoyed and perhaps a bit pissed off. But still worried about Alicia’s next reaction.

“It’s… Will’s… “ she says, looking down at her stomach, then up again straight at Alicia. Alicia’s eyes go wide again.

“Will!? How!? When!?”

“Alicia…. AAARRRGGGHHHHH! I….don’t….have time…..for…this…. AARRRRGGGGHHHH!” Kalinda is holding her stomach and having another contraction.

“All right, all right… let me help you onto this train that's coming up.” 

Alicia helps Kalinda up and supports her as she guides her to the train that has just stopped in front of them. She helps Kalinda in, all the while thinking about Kalinda and Will together. She is really shocked and angry. How could Kalinda do this to her AGAIN! How could Will do this to her!? She looks at the small woman in front of her, holding onto a pole for dear life as another contraction rages through her. An old man asks if Kalinda is alright as he gets up and offers to pull the emergency cord. They both shout at him not to pull it. He steps back defensively and the train eventually reaches the next stop and so Alicia helps Kalinda off the train. Kalinda needs to sit for a bit so they head for the nearest bench where Alicia dispatched the wild looking teenage boys off of it with a wave of her free hand and a furious look in her eyes. They scrammed.

Kalinda is breathing heavily again and looks at Alicia who has a blank stare in her eyes.

“Its not what you think… I mean, with Will.”

“Oh? And what do I think?” Alicia says in a cold tone.

“That Will and I were sleeping together? We weren't.”

“Ooooohhhh! So he got you pregnant by immaculate conception? That explains it.”

“Oh C’mon, Alicia. It was the night before the shooting. We went out for dinner because I was telling him that I wanted to leave and make a fresh start somewhere else. Will persuaded me to stay and we started drinking. We drank a lot and we ended up in a hotel room.”

“Please! Don’t tell me! I don’t need to know the details--“  
“He called me Alicia! That's how drunk we were! And you know what? I didn’t care! I wanted him to be happy! To have one more chance with you. And if he thought he was with you and he was happy, then I was happy.“ Tears were springing to Kalinda’s eyes now.

“He what?”

“While we were having sex, he called out your name. Several times, actually. And then in the morning, we woke up and he realised--we realised what we had done.” .

She looked up at Alicia who had tears streaming down her face. 

“I’m sorry, Alicia. I didn’t want to hurt you... again. Seems like that is all I ever do.” 

Kalinda was crying now, and so was Alicia until another contraction raged through Kalinda again.

“We need to get you to the hospital," Alicia said as she palmed Kalinda’s face and actually smiled at her. Kalinda forgot to breathe for a second and then let Alicia help her up. They had to climb down a steep flight of stairs and Kalinda was suddenly feeling faint. She had to sit down again, but Alicia supported her and helped her down. They got about half way down when another contraction came along. This time Kalinda did sit down where she then passed out.

“Crap! Now what?!” Alicia said to herself. The hospital wasn’t too far away from here... and Kalinda is much smaller than herself. In fact, she reminds Alicia of Grace at about 12 yrs old. She makes a decision.

Alicia scoops Kalinda up in her arms and carries her the rest of the way down the stairs and to the hospital entrance where there were nurses and doctors on standby waiting for an ambulance to arrive with a car crash victim.


	2. In the ER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalinda gives birth in the ER with Alicia by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the Episode from ER to help me with some of the medical/birth language.

"Help! Doctors! This woman needs help!"  
Alicia shouted as she collapsed onto her knees in the snow with Kalinda in her arms. She thought she could carry Kalinda's weight, but never factored in Kalinda's pregnancy weight and miscalculated the distance between the train station and the hospital.  
The doctors rushed to her side and one of them shouted for a gurney to be fetched.  
"She's 38 weeks pregnant!" Alicia shouted panically as the gurney arrived and the doctors lifted Kalinda up and laid her on it. They started pushing Kalinda into the ER entrance and Alicia followed close behind.  
"What happened to her?" one of the doctors asked.  
"I was helping her down the stairs at the station when another contraction hit her. She… she just passed out. Is it because of the cold?"  
"We'll have to run some tests," the doctor said as she saw Alicia's worried expression "Don't worry, ma'am. We'll look after her. What's her name?"  
"Kalinda. Kalinda Sharma…" the name left Alicia's lips with a tremble as she noticed the name on the Doctor's badge said "Dr. F. Rogers".  
"So she's at 38 weeks?"  
"Yes. She said her contractions were about every 7 to 8 minutes apart when I found her. That was about 20 minutes ago. They seem to be shorter now."  
"How short?"  
"I think about every 3 minutes." Alicia looked terrified Why had Kalinda fainted? "Can I wait with her? She doesn't have anyone else…." It was true. Alicia was all Kalinda had left.  
"What about the father?"  
"He's…He passed away." Alicia said, close to tears.  
"What's your relationship to Ms Sharma?"  
"We're w- we're friends." Alicia almost said work colleagues but changed her mind. They probably wouldn't let her stay if she was jus a work colleague. Besides, they were more than just work colleagues even though they had been best friends once upon a time.  
Kalinda had come around in time to hear Alicia tell the doctor they were friends. She couldn't believe her ears. Alicia still considered her a friend? Even after everything that has happened between them, including Alicia walking away from LG to start her own firm with Cary and not even telling her. And taking Robyn with them. Alicia didn't even consider asking Kalinda even though Cary had. If it had been Alicia asking her instead of Cary, would she have gone with them? She probably would have. She'd follow Alicia to the ends of the Earth, if only Alicia'd ask her to.  
Kalinda's gurney was being wheeled along the hallway towards the ER Room with doctors and nurses awaiting her.  
She was deep in thought when she heard her name being called.  
"Ms Sharma?" Dr. Rogers called out.  
"Kalinda? Kalinda?" she heard heard Alicia call out, snapping Kalinda out of her thoughts.  
"Ms Sharma, who's your OB?" the Dr. Rogers asked once she had Kalinda's attention.  
"Um…its Dr. Sharon Lowenstein." Kalinda's head felt fuzzy but told Dr. Rogers to just take her up to the labor and delivery, she's fine.  
"We are keeping you here in the ER till we run some tests Ms —can I call you Kalinda?" Dr Rogers didn't wait for an answer, "we need to find out why you passed out. What have you eaten so far today ?"  
"Um, pumpkin," Kalinda mumbled. Her eyes were half closed and she felt very sleepy but also on edge waiting for the next contraction to hit her.  
"Pumpkin?" Dr Rogers asked quizzically. "Kalinda, can you be more specific?"  
Kalinda sighed, "Pumpkin and chocolate…muffins." She mumbled again. She had been eating these same muffins every morning since she got pregnant. It was her craving. She didn't even like pumpkin normally. In anything or on its own. She also craved strawberry flavoured Nesquick.  
"Ok, and anything else?"  
"Ummm, a pumpkin pie".  
"And to drink?" Dr Rogers was half expecting her to say a pumpkin flavoured drink of some sorts.  
"Strawberry milk." Dr Rogers raised her eyebrows and smiled.  
Alicia couldn't help but smirk at this… Kalinda always drank milk so it didn't surprise Alicia that Kalinda just added another element to her milk whilst pregnant. It also, strangely, endeared Kalinda to her knowing she drank Nesquick. It was something Grace also loved.  
They got her into a vacant ER room and Dr Rogers was checking her vitals, cervix and blood pressure.  
"Look, can you just take me up to labour and delivery? I can feel the baby coming!" Kalinda shouted exasperatingly as she felt the next contraction.  
"Aaaarrrgggghhhh! Goddammit! Just take me upstairs!"  
"Kalinda, you're pushing. Don't push. Who is your lamaze coach?"  
"I….Arrrrggghh! I…don't have one!" Kalinda is squirming now and the pain is like nothing she has ever felt before.  
"I can be her lamaze coach," Alicia had said without thinking. She had been a lamaze coach before to one of her friends when she lived in Highland park. Nobody had even noticed that Alicia had been with them all the time, and got into the ER room when she really should have been told to wait outside.  
"Have you done this before?" Dr Rogers asked as she looked between Kalinda and Alicia and back to Kalinda to get her approval.  
"Yes," Alicia gulped. What had she gotten herself into?  
"Kalinda. Are you happy with Ms—"  
"Florrick. Alicia Florrick" Alicia said quickly as she could she Kalinda was at the end of her tether and losing patience over all this damn small talk.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Just get this baby out of meeeeeeee! Arrrrrgggghh !" Kalinda threw her head back and Alicia went to hold one of her hands. She regretted it instantly as Kalinda's death grip almost cut the blood circulation from her fingers. Alicia just closed her eyes and counted slowly as Kalinda's contraction passed.  
Dr. Rogers checks Kalinda's cervix and went quiet for a bit. Alicia and Kalinda notice the look on Dr. Rogers face.  
"Doctor, what is it?" Alicia asks for Kalinda.  
"You're at 10 centimetres, Kalinda!"  
"WHAT?!" Kalinda shouts propping herself up on her elbows as the doctor prepares to deliver her baby. "How can I be at 10 centimetres already!? Please take me upstairs to do this!"  
"You've been having contractions all day, haven't you? And unless you want to have your baby in an elevator, you are staying here!"  
"Kalinda, I'm right here with you," Alicia tried to calm her down. Kalinda was breathing heavily as she turned to look at Alicia and they locked eyes. Alicia reached her free hand to place it to Kalinda's forehead gently and then brought it down and gently palmed her right cheek with her left hand.  
"You are going to be alright, Kalinda. I will be with you every step of the way." Alicia smiled and Kalinda just nodded, unsure of what to say.  
"Ok, lets rotate the gurney and give her some privacy!" Dr Rogers says.  
"Okay, I wont push, I wont push! Just take me upstairs!"  
"Okay, Kalinda. When your next contraction starts, I need you to push."  
"You just told me not to push!"  
"That was before I checked your cervix and knew you were 10 centimetres."  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!"  
"Ok, Kalinda. Push now. Come on, you can do it. Push, push push!"  
"I'm PUSHNG! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!" Kalinda squeezes her eyes shut as well as Alicia's hand. Another death grip.  
"I'm going to count you down, Kalinda. Just keep pushing. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five four —"  
"Contraction is subsiding," a nurse shouts out.  
"Ok, stop. Stop, Kalinda. We need to wait for you next contraction."  
"Almost there, Kalinda." Alicia says reassuringly.  
"Doctor? D cells on the baby," a nurse calls out.  
"What? Okay, get the OB on call and get a vacuum extraction —"  
"A vacuum!?" Kalinda's eyes open wide.  
"Kalinda, honey, it is just a precaution. The baby's heart rate is down to 90, but it is okay over 80. Alright?"  
"Okay," Kalinda says, exhausted. She really doesn't think she can push again when another contraction hits her. "AAARRRGGGHHH!"  
"Okay, Kalinda. I am going to use the vacuum extraction cup. When I tell you, you need to stop pushing."  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!"  
Dr. Rogers gets the vacuum extraction cup in place.  
"Okay, Kalinda, stop. Okay, the heads out. I'm using the vacuum —"  
"Is the cord around its neck?" Kalinda asks frantically.  
"Not anymore. Alight. Here we go," Dr Rogers says as she pulls out a baby girl. "Say hello to your daughter, Kalinda."  
"It's a girl?" Kalinda says, crying and smiling at the same time as Dr. Rogers places a perfect little baby on Kalinda's chest.  
"Hi, baby girl'" Kalinda says, crying. She kisses the top of her daughter's head and holds her as the umbilical cord is cut.  
"Oh, Kalinda! She's beautiful!" Alicia says, crying and placing a hand on Kalinda's shoulder.  
"She's so small! Is she okay?" Kalinda asks.  
"She's around 6 pounds." a nurse calls out.  
"That is fine." Dr Rogers says, smiling.  
"We need to to take her now, Kalinda —"  
"Oh. But she's healthy, right?"  
"She's perfect."  
"Have you got a name for her?" one of the nurses ask.  
"Oh, um." Kalinda looks at Alicia and their eyes lock. She has an idea, but is worried about what Alicia's reaction might be to it. Not that she should care what Alicia thinks anymore. But she does care. She more than cares. Before she can say anything, though, Alicia makes a suggestion.  
"What about Leela?"  
Kalinda's eyes open wide.  
"How did you know?"  
Alicia just smiles at Kalinda and shrugs. "I just did."


	3. In Private

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia visits Kalinda in hospital

Chapter 3

Alicia had left Kalinda in the capable hands of the nurses as she headed back for a meeting at Florrick, Agos and Lockhart. She was already late, but had sent a text to Diane to let her know about Kalinda and that she was on the train and almost at the office. 

All through the day, Alicia had been lost in her thoughts. She couldn't concentrate on anything work-wise. Every thought was about Kalinda and Will and their newborn daughter. She wasn’t angry. Why should she be? She had broken up with Will a long time ago. She couldn't hold it against either of them. They were both attractive people and Alicia actually was surprised that they hadn't slept together sooner. Kalinda had said they were both drunk and she was absolutely gobsmacked by Kalinda’s revelation - Will had shouted out her own name whilst having sex with such a gorgeous woman as Kalinda. Why would he do that unless she was still in his thoughts? Even after everything that had happened? She found herself flinching for Kalinda, too. How must she have felt hearing Alicia’s name being called out whilst having sex with Will? Poor Kalinda. She didn't have much luck in the love department. Alicia wondered if it had to do with Nick. Had he ruined Kalinda and turned her into what she had become? Someone who sleeps around for information or just so she doesn’t get too close any one person -  so that she doesn't get hurt again. Kalinda had hurt Alicia by keeping this secret about her history with Peter. Thinking about it now, Alicia knew why Kalinda had slept with Peter and why she had kept it a secret. She hadn't wanted to hurt Alicia. But Alicia had hurt Kalinda on purpose. This thought made her shudder. How could she do that to anyone, let alone her once best friend? Why had she walked away from Kalinda when they were on the path of being friends again? Alicia couldn't answer that question. Rather, she wouldn't answer it. The truth was just too scary for her to admit. But now all she wanted to do was to go back to the hospital and be by Kalinda’s side. To help her and comfort her and just be as close to her as possible. That is if Kalinda would allow her, would forgive her…

After a long day of meetings and depositions, Alicia made a phone call to her kids who were staying with Peter over the weekend, just to check in on them. She then entered the lift and went down to the carpark level. She walked over to her car, her thoughts once more returning to Kalinda. And Leela. What would become of them? How will Kalinda cope with being a mom to a crying baby, changing nappies, and so on. She had never seen Kalinda around children apart from her own and even then she wasn’t comfortable with teenagers. Alicia decided to go back to the hospital even though visiting hours were long over. She needed to see Kalinda again. And hopefully get another look at Leela, and maybe even a cuddle - with Leela, not Kalinda. At least not yet. Fuck! Did she really just think that?

Kalinda had been moved to a private room. When she questioned the nurses about it and said that she couldn't afford a private room, she was told not to worry about it. Alicia had spoken to the receptionist on her way out the hospital and told them that the firm was footing the bill. Kalinda was speechless. But not unhappy with the privacy. She felt grateful that Alicia remembered what a private person Kalinda was. And touched that Alicia would do that for her even though she hadn’t been at the new firm for that long.

In the privacy of her own room, Kalinda was able to have Leela next to her bed in a cot. She even had a private nurse who showed her how to breast feed Leela. That was what she was doing when Alicia knocked on the door. 

“Come in,” Kalinda said as she was guiding her nipple into Leela’s crying mouth. Leela was silent as soon as she latched on, sucking vehemently. God, the last time Kalinda had her nipples sucked by a girl was ages ago, Kalinda was thinking as Alicia opened the door and came in. FUUUCCCKKK, Kalinda thought as she saw Alicia enter her room.

“Alicia! Hi! W-what are you doing here so late? I thought visiting hours were over…”

Alicia’s stomach fell; Kalinda didn't want her there. Her face must have shown her emotions and she was about to say she would leave if that was what Kalinda wanted, but Kalinda suddenly burst into a smile that almost floored Alicia.

“I’m happy you are here, Alicia. I wanted to thank-you for everything you have done for me today, but I have no idea where my phone is so I couldn't call you. And no, I don't know your number off by heart. Otherwise I would have used this phone,”  she said looking at the landline phone next to her bed.

“Well, I was happy I was there to help.” Alicia said with a smile. She moved over to Kalinda’s side where she was breastfeeding Leela, but tried not to look too much. 

“How’s the breast feeding going. Has she been fed often today?”

“This is my second attempt. I had her on a bottle earlier, but she seems to prefer…”  Kalinda couldn't say my breast in front of Alicia. It actually made her blush.

So would I, Alicia thought. And blushed. What the hell!? 

“Well, that is only natural. And it is good for bonding with Leela,” Alicia said smiling. She wanted to tuck a curl of hair behind Kalinda’s ear which Kalinda was trying to blow it out of her face. She thought better of it.

“Yeah, that is what the nurse told me earlier. Oh, um, thanks for arranging this private room for me. I… I really appreciate it, Alicia.” Kalinda was looking at Alicia and could feel a blush heating her cheeks. 

“Hey, I know how much you need your privacy. And you are an important part of the firm. We need you well looked after.”

“But I have only been there about a month.”

“So?”

“So? Won’t the other partners be annoyed?  What about Cary?”

“What about him? Look, I am one of the partners, and I want you to have this room. So just stop worrying about what anyone else thinks, Kalinda. Just relax and take care of yourself and Leela.”

Kalinda was biting her lip and then looked back down at Leela who was still sucking quite hard on Kalinda’s nipple. She stared at Leela for a while before looking back up at Alicia.

“God, what kind of mom am I going to be? I never thought this would ever happen to me, Alicia. I don’t know what to do with her.”

“What do you mean? You aren’t going to give her up for adoption, are you?” Alicia sounded worried.

“Of course not. That isn't what I meant. I just don’t know… how to look after her. I just wish Will…”  Kalinda was looking at Alicia but then looked away with tears in her eyes.

Alicia couldn't help herself. She moved forward to sit on the bed beside Kalinda and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She used her other hand to turn Kalinda’s face toward her and wiped some tears away from her cheeks with her thumb.

“I will be here to help you, Kalinda. With whatever you need. You will never be without help. Will… “ here Alicia stopped, trying to stop her own tears from forming and her voice from catching in her throat, “Will… would be so proud and so happy to have a gorgeous baby girl! And to have you as her mom.”

Kalinda swallowed as her face was inches away from Alicia’s. She was looking into Alicia’s eyes and Alicia was looking straight back into hers as she palmed Kalinda’s cheek gently. Kalinda swallowed visibly again as Alicia’s face seemed to be getting closer and then Kalinda closed her eyes as she felt Alicia’s lips on her forehead. She opened them when she felt Alicia pull away, but kept her hand on her cheek.

“What was that for?” Kalinda asked, her voice shaky.

“I don’t know. I guess.. I guess I just wanted to make u feel better.” That was a stupid reason and Alicia knew it. She achingly wanted to be close to Kalinda, but didn’t know why.

“Well, I do. Feel better that is. I am really going to need all the help I can get. And getting it from an expert mom would be even better!” Kalinda winked at Alicia which in turn made Alicia’s tummy do a summersault.

“Well, “ Alicia laughed, “I don’t know about being an expert but Grace and Zach aren’t too embarrassed to be seen with me so I must be doing something right!”

“They adore you, Alicia! If Leela loves me even half as much as they love you, then I will be very happy!”  

Kalinda looked down to find Leela had stopped sucking and had fallen fast asleep. Alicia removed herself from Kalinda’s bed and watched as Kalinda lifted Leela up and covered her breast. She then offered Leela up to Alicia.

“Do you want to hold her?”

“Of course!” Alicia took Leela in her arms and cradled her as she sat back down next to Kalinda. She looked down at Leela’s face and thought she could see Will’s lips. She was absolutely gorgeous. She obviously had Kalinda’s caramel-toned complexion. Her eyes were shut so Alicia could see she had such dark, long eyelashes.

“Hello, little Leela. You are so beautiful.”

 Alicia whispered at the bundle in her arms. She was smiling down at Leela, but could feel Kalinda watching her, staring at her. She looked up and Kalinda looked her in the eyes and smiled that crooked smile of hers that always made Alicia’s stomach do another summersault. 

“She really is gorgeous, Kalinda. And I am glad  you named her Leela.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. She will be someone who will remind you of where you came from. You need that.”

“I suppose,” Kalinda shrugged. “It was also my mom’s name.”

Kalinda went silent and got lost in her thoughts. Her smile disappeared and she had a vacant look on her face.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you mention your mom, Kalinda.”  
“I… I don’t like to talk about her. She died when I was seven. Then it was just me and my dad until I was about fifteen. And then…”

“Oh!, Kalinda, I’m so sorry! Where’s your dad now? He…he might like to know he has a grand-daughter?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care! I wouldn't let him anywhere near Leela!” Kalinda sounded angry.”

“Sorry,” Alicia looked back down at Leela and remained silent. No wonder Kalinda never spoke about her family.

Kalinda sighed, “Sorry, Alicia, he is not a good man… I just… I will tell you about it someday. Just not now.”

“Of course, “ Alicia got up from the bed and put Kalinda down into the Moses Basket on the side of the bed. She then looked at her watch. It was already almost nine in the evening. 

“Gosh, I think I better go. It’s getting late. You need your rest before Leela demands more food!”

“Oh,” Kalinda looked disappointed, “sure, if you need to go. I am sure the kids will be waiting for you. Thanks for coming to visit, Alicia.”

“Actually, the kids are staying at Peter’s this weekend. I can stay a bit longer if you want me to.”

Kalinda’s face literally lit up. 

“That would be nice! But only if you want to.”

“I do… but do you mind moving up a bit? I am kinda tired. It has been a long day. Not that I should complain. It has been a breeze compared to your day!”

Kalinda’s eyes widened.

“Oh… sure,” she said as she moved over to be closer to the Moses Basket on her left. 

“Thanks,” Alicia said as she removed her high heels, and lay down on her side next to Kalinda. 

They were sharing a pillow and she was so close to Kalinda that she couldn't help but smell the perfume on her neck. Kalinda smelt of lavender and spice.

Kalinda was laying on her back, with her hands resting on her chest. She wasn't sure what to do and was afraid  she might touch Alicia if she moved.  She really wanted to touch Alicia! She could sense Alicia’s closeness to her. She then felt Alicia’s breath on her neck and she started to visibly shake. Alicia remained silent, but slid her left arm over Kalinda’s stomach and rested it there.

“Alicia. W… what are you doing?”

Alicia could hear Kalinda’s voice was shaky. 

“I’m just resting my arm on you. Is that ok?”

“Sure.” 

Kalinda gulped and managed to slide her hand over Alicia’s arm. She stroked it as she turned her head to look at Alicia, who remained quiet. Alicia looked right back at her and smiled before she closed her eyes and promptly fell sleep.


	4. Sleepless in Chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not good at summaries. but there are some nice Kalicia moments...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the long delay. Life just happened. Going through a stressful period. Hopefully I'm back on track. Hope you like this next chapter.

When Alicia awoke from what was only meant to be a quick 10 minute nap, the room was dark apart from a bit of light streaming in from under the door coming through from the nurses’ station. And there was silence except for a soft purring sound coming from Kalinda snoring almost directly into Alicia’s ear. Alicia tried to look at her watch to see what time it was, but Kalinda had her trapped and so she couldn't move without waking Kalinda up. Even the baby was fast asleep. The closeness of Kalinda was exhilarating. She didn’t really want to move, but she had a very important meeting at 8 a.m. so she needed to get home to shower and change. She guessed that it might be about 3 in the morning. It would take her about 50 minutes to drive home if she waited and drove back in rush-our traffic. Maybe 30 minutes if she left now. She turned her head to her left and looked into Kalinda’s sleeping face. It was peaceful. She wondered how long Kalinda had been asleep for. She must have given Leela a feed while Alicia slept. She hoped Kalinda didn't watch her sleeping while she was feeding Leela. Alicia was not a graceful sleeper so she now felt highly embarrassed at the thought of Kalinda watching her sleep. But here Alicia was watching Kalinda sleep and what a sight it was! She would stay in this position all night watching Kalinda if she didn't need to rush back home.  
No, I have to get up! she thought to herself. Just then, she felt Kalinda move.

“What did you say?” Kalinda asked in a sleepy voice. Alicia realised she had actually spoken her thought out loud.

“Ssshhhh, Kalinda, go back to sleep. I just need to get up and go home.”

“What time is it?’ Kalinda said as she moved and turned over to switch on a light. Alicia looked at her watch now that she was free.

“Its late…or rather, its early. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I just need to get home to shower and change. I have a meeting at 8. Go back to sleep, Kalinda.”

“Oh, do you have to go right now?” Kalinda looked and sounded disappointed.

“Yeah, I’m afraid so… sorry. I can’t go and meet our client in crumpled, stale clothes.”

With that she winked at Kalinda. She felt bad, especially after seeing Kalinda look almost upset that she was leaving. She had never seen that expression on Kalinda before. Kalinda never showed her vulnerable side to anyone, but here she was showing it to Alicia. She quickly found her shoes, coat and bag, and walked over to Kalinda’s bed.

“Don’t worry, Kalinda, I’ll be back as soon as I can after the meeting. I don't know how long it will take, though. It’s with Colin Sweeney. He is being sued. Again. And he wants me there or else he will find a new firm.”

“So, let him find a new firm then! You don't need him as a client, Alicia. He is scum. You know he killed his wife, dont you?”

“Kalinda… we need the money. Otherwise we will be forced to do cutbacks. And we are getting triple pay because its the weekend.”

“ So, I can work for you for free! What about Chumhum?” Kalinda was actually pouting.

“They left, don't you remember?”

“They left? When?”

“Last month, Kalinda, now I have to go.” Alicia said exasperated and with that, she bent down and kissed Kalinda softly on the lips. At first, she was shocked that she actually kissed Kalinda. But she was even more shocked that her lips stayed there and that Kalinda was letting her lips stay. Then she felt Kalinda kiss back. It was a long soft kiss. No tongues involved. Just soft and lingering. Alicia had to sit back down on the bed before she fell over onto Kalinda, who had snaked her hands up and around Alicia’s neck, bringing her closer to her body.  
She finally pulled away so that she could catch her breath and she looked into Kalinda’s face. She wasn't quite sure what to say and could feel her face getting hotter and redder.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I kissed you. It was…instinctive. I…”

“It was nice…” Kalinda said, with a smirk on her face. Alicia couldn't help but laugh.

“Yes, it was… but I have to go now. I promise, I will be back.”

“To kiss me some more?”.

“Um… maybe.” And Alicia gave Kalinda a quick peck on the lips, got up and left, walking as fast as she could along the corridor and back out to her car, which she had picked up earlier after it had been at the garage getting a service done.. Alicia got in and buckled up, but before she turned on the ignition, she touched her lips which still tingled with the after affects of the kiss. She smiled to herself as she drove away. If she had looked back before she left Kalinda’s room, she would have seen Kalinda touching her own lips.

It was just after 4a.m. when Alicia entered her apartment. She couldn't believe that she had to get up in a couple of hours to be at the office at 8 o’clock to have a meeting on a Saturday morning. Damn Colin Sweeney! Didn’t he have a life!? She had to work for him on a Saturday. All because he supposedly slept with the wife of a judge. How stupid could he be? And now his own wife is suing the judge’s wife for trying to steal Colin away from her. And then Colin, in turn, is being sued by the Judge. And not just any judge. It was Judge Abernathy for Christ sake! Gggrrrrr! What a stupid vicious circle she had gotten entangled in! Maybe Kalinda was right. Maybe they should just dump Colin Sweeney as a client. If his wife was smart, she would just leave him before he killed her.

Alicia stripped off her clothes, threw on some pyjamas and got into bed. She was going to try get at least a couple of hours sleep. Try as she might, all she did was toss and turn as her thoughts kept going back to Kalinda and the kiss they shared. She hadn't even thought twice about kissing her which is why she was now obsessing about what that could mean. She was getting hot so threw the covers off and looked at her bedside clock. It flashed 5:23. How could she have been tossing and turning for almost and hour and a half? And not a wink of sleep, only thoughts of Kalinda and their next possible kiss. She thought about how soft Kalinda’s lips were and how the thought that Kalinda enjoyed it only confirmed her suspicion that Kalinda may be in-love with her. Maybe Kalinda had always been in-love with her, but Alicia had been too blind and then angry to see it. She thought back to what Kalinda had told her about her mom dying when she was just seven. How sad, Alicia thought. As irritating as her own mother was, she couldn't imagine not having her around as she grew up. And then Kalinda had said she lived with her dad until she was 15. What happened to her at 15? Don't tell me she married Nick Saverese? Alicia gasped, no, 15 would be way too young to marry someone. Maybe she met him and they ran away together. Maybe he was nicer then? No, after meeting him, I cant imagine him ever being nice. And she told me her dad was a bad man. Maybe she ran away from him… Alicia looked at the clock again. 5:41. Thats it, I'm getting up.

Alicia went straight to the ensuite and switched the shower on. She needed to cool down. She stripped off her pyjamas which were saturated with sweat after only less than 2 hours of wear. She flung them on the floor along with her panties, checked the shower water was warm enough and got in. Drenching herself, she grabbed her shampoo bottle and put a big blob - probably more shampoo than she needed - into her hand and applied it to her hair. She scrubbed away for just a few seconds before her thoughts turned back to Kalinda. She imagined what Kalinda would look like with wet hair, with water cascading over her naked body, her hair loose and wet and sleek. She just realised that she's never seen Kalinda with her hair down. Even at the hospital, it was up in a tight ponytail. Alicia shook her head and tried to refocus on washing her hair. She then rinsed and applied conditioner. Once she had the sponge in her hand and applied the Dove body-wash, Kalinda was back in her mind. She could see her clearly in the shower with her, using the soapy sponge all over Alicia's body, starting on her neck and traveling down her body very slowly. Her imagination was so real that she could feel goosebumps. So when Kalinda reached between her thighs, Alicia felt herself touching that very place and stroking herself. She had to grab onto the shower door handle as her strokes began to quicken over her clit. Faster and faster until she stiffened and collapsed against the shower door, her breasts pressed up against it and her body finally relaxing after a few moments. All the while thinking of the woman she had only just a few hours ago kissed in a hospital bed. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. How could this be that yesterday morning she was completely indifferent to Kalinda - her once best friend- and now here she was kissing her and then masturbating whilst thinking of her touch? Kalinda consumed her thoughts and she couldn't think of anything else but of wanting to find out more about these feelings. She remembered feeling disappointed when Kalinda refused to admit to being gay when Alicia had asked her all those years ago. The truth was, she was attracted to Kalinda. Who wasn't? And then she found out about Peter. Then just when they were becoming friendly again, Kalinda tells her she's not gay, she's flexible. Flexible? What does that even mean? And she did feel a tinge of jealousy when she found out that Kalinda was flexible with that FBI agent. And then with Cary. Alicia is snapped out of her thoughts when her phone starts ringing. She quickly finishes washing her self and rinsing the conditioner from her hair. She switches the shower off, opens the door and grabs a towel before stepping out the shower. She quickly towel dries her hair and then wraps the towel around her body while she walks back into her bedroom and checks to see who her missed call is from. Kalinda. She checks the time. 6:30.  Gosh, she'd been in the shower for a while. She presses her finger on Kalinda's name and the phone starts ringing. One ring really. Kalinda is quick to answer. 

"Hi, Alicia. Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you. I just figured you'd be up. "

"No, it's fine, Kalinda. I was in the shower". Thinking of you... Alicia shakes her head.

"Oh sorry, I hope I didn't rush you out."

"You didn't. Is everything alright?" 

There's silence. Kalinda is lost in her thoughts of a wet Alicia talking to her on the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm still here, sorry. 

"Is everything ok, Kalinda?" 

"Yeah, I just called to let you know that I just had a doctor in to see me and she said I'd most likely be discharged today. I just need to have a midwife come in and check my blood pressure, pulse and temperature. Oh and have a wee..." Kalinda felt embarrassed telling Alicia she had to have a wee. God, how childish am I !?

"Oh, that's great Kalinda! So what time do you think you will be ready to leave?"

"Um, well, the midwife is expected to do her rounds at about 9 o'clock. The thing is, I'm sort of stuck for a lift and I don't have my baby things with me. It's all back at my place. And I don't have a stroller yet. I was going to get one this weekend, but as you know I never got a chance. Leela is a couple of weeks early." 

"Oh! Um, okay I will sort that out for you. If you trust my taste in strollers. But I have this meeting at 8. I'll just tell Mr Sweeney that I need to leave by 9 at the latest."

"Oh, don't rush. We can wait here till you arrive. Thanks for helping, Alicia." 

"Okay, I'll be as quick as I can. Oh, what's your budget for the stroller?"

"Oh, um, I'm not sure... Nothing ridiculously expensive. I'll let you decide. And thanks, Alicia. I really appreciate your help. Take it out of my pay check."

"Okay, I'll see you in a while. Oh, you'll need a change of clothes. And something for Leela to wear out of hospital. Don't worry, I'll sort it out."

"Thanks, Alicia.” Kalinda felt sheepish. She'd never been this unprepared for anything. Not in her adulthood anyway. And to have Alicia helping her out was completely unexpected and yet so very welcome. 

Alicia was waiting in the conference room at 7:55. She had managed to have time to grab a coffee and a pastry at Starbucks and go over the case paperwork and now waited patiently with Cary for Colin Sweeney to arrive. There was an awkward silence between them. Alicia was never sure what really happened between Cary and Kalinda or who broke up with who. She guessed it was Kalinda who broke it off. Cary was always too much in-love with Kalinda to ever leave her. She felt kind of bad for him. She could understand how he felt because now she was having those same feelings. Cary just sat a few chairs away from her going over his own notes. He looked kind of sad. Sad from reading over the notes? Or was he thinking of Kalinda? Either way, she wasn't going to ask. It seemed too complicated. And truth be told, she was feeling quite possessive over Kalinda. She didn't want Cary to try get back together with her before she had a chance to explore her own feelings for Kalinda. What was she actually wanting from Kalinda? A relationship? A relationship with a woman who just had a baby fathered by my ex-lover? Alicia looked at her watch. 8:21. Dammit, Sweeney, where are you!? Alicia got out her phone and was just about to send a message to Kalinda when Sweeney arrived.  She and Cary stood up.

"Mr Sweeney, you're late!"

"Mrs Florrick, don't you look lovely on this beautiful Saturday morning?"

"Mr Sweeney, I don't have time for this. I'm meant to pick up my girl friend from hospital at half past nine, it's already -"

"Your giiiiirlfriend? Hmmmm Mrs Florrick! Who would have thought!? If I had known you liked women -"  

Cary was also looking at Alicia with a shocked expression. How dare she call Kalinda her girlfriend? Cary knew that Kalinda was in-love with Alicia, but for Alicia to exploit that made him ill.  

Alicia saw Cary's expression and realised she probably should have chosen her words better.   
"Excuse me, Mr Sweeney. I didn't mean it that way. She is a woman and a friend. She just had a baby and I'm meant to go fetch her from the hospital. So can we please just get on with this?

"Oh, Mrs Florrick! There you had me all excited. You're such a tease!"  He winked at Alicia and sat down.

"Where's your wife, Mr Sweeney? Is she not joining us?"

"Oh, no, she's gone. I didn't much care for her petty jealousy so I killed her and buried her in my neighbour's back yard." His face was completely deadpan.

"Mr Sweeney!"

"Oh relax, Alicia! I'm only joking! But she and I are getting a divorce." He smiled that awful sickly smile at her.

"Let's just get on with this, Mr Sweeney. And please don't ever call me by my first name. We are not friends. Now the deposition is on Monday afternoon. I cannot promise you that I will be there, but Cary will definitely be there." She looked at Cary as she said this. He looked pissed off. Oh well, what did she care? She looked back at Mr Sweeney who looked somewhat displeased.

"Mrs Florrick, I've already told you that I want you to do the questioning. The judge is partial to you and  -" 

"Excuse me, Mr Sweeney, but Judge Abernathy is completely indifferent to me. The fact is, you slept with his wife so even if he did like me, it wouldn't make a difference to how he feels about you!"

"Ooooh, Mrs Florrick , you hurt my feelings." Mr Sweeney feigns a sad expression.

"Well, you did sleep with his wife, didn't you?" Alicia asks exasperatingly.

"Now that would be telling, Mrs Florrick. And you know I never kiss and tell." And he smiles again.

"Okay so we have to try to persuade Judge Abernathy to find fault in his wife and prove that she has in fact slept with other men besides you."

"And other women" Cary adds. Alicia and Mr Sweeney both look at him with surprise.

"How do you know this, Cary? You never told me that before."

"I had Kalinda do some undercover investigation. Turns out Mrs Abernathy has a thing for women. In fact she more or less invited Kalinda to spend a night with her at the Waldorf Astoria. Kalinda agreed and is actually meant to be meeting her there tonight. Obviously she can't make it now." Cary looked pointedly at Alicia.

"Kalinda agreed to meet her? Couldn't Mrs Abernathy see that Kalinda was pregnant?” Alicia was surprised. Kalinda hadn't mentioned anything to her about it when they were talking about Sweeney at the hospital.

"Maybe she has a thing for pregnant women. Who knows, Alicia. But Kalinda was going to meet her and use her voice recorder on her iPhone to catch Mrs Abernathy in a compromised position. I think she also figured out a way too get photos taken. Anyway, it doesn't matter. We will find another way."

They carried on with their meeting, brainstorming ideas for a while longer and came up with a plan for Robin to go in Kalinda's place. When Alicia looked at her watch it was already 9:49. Damn! 

"Look, Mr Sweeney, I need to go. Cary will finish up and see you out." She looked at Cary apologetically and left.

"Yes, you go and take care of your girlfriend, Mrs Florrick. See you on Monday. " He smiled at her back before turning to Cary. 

Alicia didn't answer as she all but sprinted out of the room, gathered her things and went in search of a stroller. 


	5. Collecting Kalinda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia goes to collect Kalinda and Leela from hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for delay. Life took over. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Safety 1st Step and Go Travel System Stroller - Minty Fresh. That is what came tearing through Kalinda’s hospital room door followed by Alicia who was beaming childishly with the excitement of a new toy. No mess, no fuss. She knew exactly which stroller she was getting when she went into Babies R Us. She had seen these strollers advertised online and they got great reviews. Alicia also went a little crazy in the baby wear department and bought a few different baby girl clothes. She was careful not to buy anything too girly as Kalinda seemed like she might have been against too many frills. Not that she was tom-boyish by any means! Far from it. 

“Wow, you went all out.” Kalinda said smiling when Alicia was showing her how to use the stroller.

“I did indeed. Look how easy it is to open and close!” Alicia demonstrated her new skills. She was giddy with excitement.

“I can see”. Kalinda could only smile.

“And I got Leela some really cute baby grows. Look!” and she pulled one out with a picture of a cute kitten on it.

“Oh, thats so nice!” Kalinda actually was quite excited. She had never really shown this side of her to anyone. In fact, the last time she felt this excited was probably when she was just a child herself. She beamed right back at Alicia to show her that her generosity was not going un-noticed.

“I… I got you some things to wear too, Kalinda. Now I wasn't sure what size to get, but I thought a medium would be ok. I mean, I guessed that you normally wear a small, but…” 

“Yeah, medium sounds fine… thanks Alicia.” 

Kalinda could see that Alicia looked a bit uncomfortable as she handed Kalinda a bag of clothes. She took them out and examined them. A pair of extra thick black thermal tights and a black skin tight thermal vest, a very nice grey thick wooly jersey-dress with a chunky poloneck. So far so good. Then out came the underwear. Alicia blushed as Kalinda examined them. They were low waist bikinis - black. With a black maternity bra.

“I hope they are okay… the bra is adjustable. I wasn't sure what kind you liked.”

“Everything looks perfect, Alicia. Really. But you shouldn't have spent so much on me. I should have given you my keys so you could have gone and just got my own stuff….” She thought she saw disappointment in Alicia’s face. “But these look really nice.” she smiled broadly. “and I’ll think of you each time I wear all these items.” She winked. Alicia blushed.. then smiled.

“So you're saying that whenever you wear the underwear I got for you, you're gonna think of me?”

“Yeah.” Kalinda grinned cheekily, “I will.”

“Okay, well on that note…” Alicia was blushing furiously, “I better let you get dressed and then get Leela changed. And then we can go?”

“Sure, I just need to get some paperwork signed before we go, though.”

“Okay. Sorry I’m late by the way. Sweeney was late himself which just held everything up. I’ll just wait outside while you change.”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that, I can just draw the curtain around the bed.”

“Oh, um, ok.” Alicia quickly walked towards Leela’s cot. She sat on the chair next to it trying to distract herself by cooing over Leela rather than stare at Kalinda’s silhouette through the curtain. Imagining a naked Kalinda behind those curtains was doing funny things to her breathing pattern. FUCK!! Keep calm, Alicia. Its only Kalinda! 

Leela was stirring from her nap and starting to wriggle and look for her mom. Instead she saw Alicia looking down and started crying.

“Oh, oh, oh!” Alicia said picking her up and cuddling her. “Your mom is just here, she wont be long.” Alicia began rocking Leela in her arms.

“I’ll be right there.” Kalinda shouted out. “She’s probably hungry. It’s been about three hours since I last fed her.” And with that, Kalinda drew back the curtain and she was almost all dressed. She came out in her tights and boots and a bra. She walked towards them reaching out for Leela. “Mommy’s here, Leela” Kalinda said smiling and eyes lit up. 

Alicia’s mouth fell open and all she could do was stare at Kalinda as she handed Leela over to her. Kalinda walked over to the chair with Leela. She couldn't get over how sexy Kalinda looked. And when Kalinda whipped out her right breast to feed Leela, Alicia had to look away before she really started staring.

“You ok?” Kalinda asked, noticing Alicia’s reaction and smiling internally. She had wondered what kind of reaction she’d get from Alicia. Ever since the unexpected kiss they shared earlier, she had wanted to test their boundaries and see where this new path would take them. She had fantasied about Alicia since the first day they met. No - the first hour! But it had all been a fantasy. Thats all it ever could be - until that kiss! After Alicia had left earlier, all she could do was tell herself that it was a mistake, that Alicia didn't mean to kiss her like that. But she couldn’t stop touching her lips and felt like an adolescent school girl who got kissed by her crush.

“Yeah. Why?” Alicia blushed thinking she had been caught out.

“Why don’t you sit on the bed, Alicia. You don’t look very comfortable standing there. Plus, it might be a while before I'm finished feeding Leela.”

“It’s ok, I will just go get your paperwork sorted. I might need to sign some stuff anyway. For the medical insurance, I mean.” 

“Oh, right. Thanks again for sorting it all out for me, Alicia.” Kalinda smiled and Alicia melted as she walked out the room. 

By the time Alicia arrived back with something for Kalinda to sign, Kalinda was dressed and getting Leela changed. Luckily for her, Alicia had also bought some disposal nappies for Leela. She had put on the cosy looking snowsuit over the baby grow and Leela now looked like a baby Gruffalo. Kalinda couldn't help but coo over Leela’s cuteness. She couldn't believe that Leela was all hers. That she was this baby’s mommy. It was so surreal to her. Kalinda never ever in her wildest dreams ever thought she would ever be a mom. She didn't think she wanted to be. Even when she found out that she was pregnant, she had doubts about whether she wanted to keep it. But now, that had all changed. Especially since Leela was a part of Will. A friend who she cared so deeply about. Her only sadness stemmed from the fact that Will was not here to share in this. They wouldn't have ever gotten together as a couple. She knew they were better off as friends than lovers. Besides. Kalinda’s heart belonged to someone else… Someone that she now hoped she might have a future with. 

“Kalinda? Kaliiiinda? Hellooooo, Kalinda, earth to Kalinda…” Alicia had obviously caught Kalinda in a deep thought. She touched Kalinda’s arm and Kalinda’s head snapped up from staring at Leela. “You Ok? Gosh, you were really out of it!”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?

“Nothing, I was just calling you. You sure you ok? You just need to sign these and then we can go.”  
Kalinda took the papers from her without saying anything lest she start crying. She had come over very emotional suddenly thinking of Will. She bent over a table in the room and quickly signed all the places that required her signature and handed the papers and pen back to Alicia. She then turned around to grab her leather jacket which fit snuggly over her jersey-dress. She looked incredible for someone who had only just given birth less than 24 hrs ago, Alicia was thinking. She could see that Kalinda was upset though.

“Kalinda, what’s wrong? Alicia walked over and put a hand on Kalinda’s shoulder. “You’re upset. What were you thinking of just now?”

“Um, I was thinking of…” Kalinda didn't want to upset Alicia by saying his name. But she told Alicia once - a couple of years ago now - that she would be honest with her no matter what. So she said it. “I was thinking of Will.” Kalinda almost winced as she said his name and expected to see Alicia withdraw from her. So she was surprised when Alicia pulled her body towards her and enveloped her into the tightest hug she had ever received. All she could do was to encircle Alicia’s waist with her own arms and rest her face against Alicia’s chest. She felt warm in Alicia’s arms. She didn't want this to end. But all good things come to an end eventually. As Alicia let go, she brought her hands to frame Kalinda’s face and rubbed away a single tear that had escaped and was rolling down Kalinda’s left cheek .

“I'm sorry, Kalinda. I am really sorry. I was so caught up with my own grief over Will that I never even considered what you must have been going through. You guys were really good friends. Will was probably your best friend after… well, after we… after…us” Alicia couldn't find the right words. 

“I know what you mean, Alicia. After we… broke up. That is what it felt like to me, you know. I mean. But yeah, Will was a great friend. My only friend. Then we got drunk one night…. and then he was gone. Just like that.” 

“I’m sorry, Kalinda. I didn't know. I was angry… and you never showed your emotions…I didn't know how you felt about me. About us. I didn't really have a friend either…. I mean, I…Will and I. We weren't really friends. And it didn't last long - the affair, I mean. Something was missing. But as you know, I am the queen of grudges.” Alicia blushed with embarrassment thinking back on how she had treated Kalinda. She continued stroking Kalinda’s face, which was wet with newly shed tears. “I'm sorry, Kalinda. For how I treated you.”

“It's okay. I kinda deserved it. For a little while anyway,” Kalinda tried to smile.”Though you should have let me try to explain-“

“I should have… but you should have told me before…but I can also understand why you didn’t. After meeting your husband, I know why you did what you did. And when I thought you were in danger, I realised what you really meant to me. And I walked away from it. I ran away. straight back into Will’s arms.”

“You and Will had another affair?” Kalinda was surprised. But what was even more shocking was Alicia admitting to feeling something more than just caring about her.

“Well, not exactly. We kissed. It was on the night that Peter won the election for the Governor’s race. It was then that I decided to call Cary and agree to start a new firm with him. I was running away. From Will, but mostly from…you. From my feelings for you.”

“I had no idea.” Kalinda was flabbergasted. 

“Well, that was the whole point. You weren't meant to know. But I admit I was kinda disappointed when Cary told me it was Robin and not you who was coming with us. But then relieved.”

“What about now?” Kalinda asked, half afraid of what she might hear.

“Now? Now I think that life’s too short… so I don't want to waste any time. So lets get out of here.” Alicia let go of Kalinda, but Kalinda held onto her.

“Hang on a second, what does that mean?”

“It means that I don't want to waste my life anymore. Come on, we'll go back to your place and I can sort out some lunch for us. I want to see what Leela's nursery looks like. " 

"Oh, um. It's not really finished. I mean, I got the cot from IKEA, but I still need to build it. I just thought I had time." 

"Okay, I can help. Did I ever mention to you that I'm quite the expert at assembling IKEA furniture? "

"Nope." Kalinda couldn't imagine Alicia doing anything manual. She laughed at the image in her mind.

"Well I am, so don't be cheeky. Don't forget I used to be a housewife. And a damn good one at that." Alicia winked and they got everything ready to leave.

"I just assumed you'd be able to afford better than IKEA. Or at least afford their assembly service." Kalinda chuckled." 

"They have an assembly service?" Alicia asked jokingly. 

With that, they left the room, dropped off the signed papers at the nurses station and left hospital with Leela comfortably nestled in the stroller. Kalinda was pushing as Alicia walked beside them carrying the shopping bags.


	6. While you were sleeping.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia and Kalinda find out each other's truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, folks.
> 
> Thanks for reading my first ever fanfic. I hope you have all enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

After quickly stopping off at a supermarket for some groceries, they finally arrived at Kalinda's apartment. Alicia parked in Kalinda's space since her car had been towed away a couple of days ago.They huddled together into a very small lift. They just fit, but they had to squeeze in and Alicia was pressed up against Kalinda. Neither of them spoke as the lift travelled up to Kalinda's floor. Kalinda could smell Alicia's perfume, which she remembered from when they were friends all those years ago. It brought back a memory from when they were working one of their first cases together where Alicia was helping the son of one of her friends from Highland Park. Alicia was lost in her own thought as she was staring down on Kalinda thinking how petite she was standing there next to her. Alicia towered over her, which made her suddenly feel protective over Kalinda. Her thoughts then turned to Kalinda's husband. Both women were abruptly brought back to the present when the lift pinged and the doors opened. They got out - Kalinda pushing the stroller and Alicia carrying all the shopping - and walked down the corridor up to Kalinda's door. Silent yet again as they walked, Alicia realising she had never been to Kalinda's apartment and then remembering when Kalinda had given her change of address card. That was a very special moment in their friendship. And then it was all lost. Kalinda finally broke the silence as she opened her door. 

"You can put the shopping just in there." Kalinda pointed to the kitchen. "I'm just going to change Leela's diaper."

"Okay." Alicia put the groceries on the island and then looked around. Kalinda's apartment was open planned and actually looked quite homely and cosy. Her kitchen was free standing and looked liked it was actually used for its intended purpose. She tried to imagine Kalinda cooking and wondered what kind of food she enjoyed most. She started unpacking and put all the ingredients she needed to make lunch to one side. She then opened the fridge and checked to see if anything needed to be thrown out. It was mostly empty apart from some milk and various cheeses and grapes, a bottle of rosé. She never figured Kalinda to be a cheese and wine kind of person. But she was realising that she never really knew much about Kalinda outside of work. There were a few carrots and cauliflower in the vegetable tray, which looked fine. She then packed away food that needed to be refrigerated and went into the living room. She plonked herself onto a very comfortable looking corner sofa, which she was sure she had seen before on a recent trip to IKEA. And her coffee table looked like an old up-cycled wagon wheel. Like something out of the film "When Harry met Sally". On it were a few home magazines and a new IKEA catalogue that had been well thumbed through. There were a few pages ear-marked. She looked through it and noticed that all the earmarked pages were for the nursery section. There were some ticks next to items, which she assumed that Kalinda had already bought, and question marks next to other items, which she wondered if they were on Kalinda's wish list. Kalinda came out carrying a Moses basket which she placed in front of the sofa next to her as she plonked herself down next to Alicia. Leela lay sleepily in it.

"So, you finished being nosy?" Kalinda smiled as she looked at Alicia.

"I, uh, not yet. Still need to see your bedroom." Alicia blushed.

"Go ahead. It's just that room I came out of." Kalinda pointed. She would normally never let anyone see her bedroom, but this was Alicia. 

"Um, I'll go in a while." Alicia was still blushing. She was very curious to see what Kalinda's private sanctuary looked like, but couldn't bring herself to leave Kalinda's side quite yet. Plus, she needed to start lunch and get Leela's cot assembled. She also wanted to ask Kalinda about Nick. "I guess I'll just get lunch ready? I hope you like Italian. I thought a lasagna would be nice and easy to make." 

"Sounds good. I'll help."

They both got up together, but Kalinda suddenly felt dizzy and started falling back. Alicia caught her in her arms.  
"Whoa! You okay?" She looked down at a pale Kalinda.

"Yeah, I think I just got up too quickly. I'm fine." Kalinda said as she looked up into Alicia's worried eyes. Alicia was still holding onto her and she didn't want Alicia to let her go.

"Are you sure? I can make the lasagna myself. It's easy and won't take long. You can rest on the sofa. Put your feet up. On your wagon wheel coffee table." Alicia winked as she reluctantly let go of Kalinda.

"Are you making fun of my coffee table?" Kalinda pretended to sound offended, but ended up smirking.

"Of course not. It's a very nice coffee table. Now sit down and put your feet up. I'll just be a few feet away. Will have lunch ready in about an hour and a half by the time it cooks in the oven. Would you like some snacks to keep you going?"

"I have some peanuts in one of the cupboards. I can get them out while you start lunch."

"You just sit back and relax. I'll get them. You need to rest. What can I get you to drink? Milk?

"Alicia, I can't just sit back while you do all the work."

"Kalinda, you've just had a baby yesterday. You are entitled to relax and let someone pamper you. Besides, you ought to really sleep whilst Leela sleeps."

"Fine, but just call me if you need help with anything."

"Okay, but I'm sure I can figure it out. Now relax, lie down on the sofa or even go to bed. I'll call you when lunch is ready." 

"I'll just lay on the sofa, thanks." Kalinda put a cushion at one end of the sofa, and lay down. 

By the time Alicia got to the kitchen, she could already hear a soft snoring sound coming from Kalinda. She was glad she could see Kalinda from the kitchen so could keep an eye on her and Leela. She got the peanuts out and found a small bowl for them. She took them and a cup of milk out and placed them on the coffee table. She prepared the lasagna quite quickly and once it was in the oven, Alicia had about 70 minutes to let it cook. She packed the dishwasher and cleaned the counter tops and then went back into the living room. Leela was still sleeping soundly. Kalinda was sleeping too, but was curled up like she was cold. Alicia looked to see if there was a throw she could use to cover Kalinda up, but there was not one she could see. She made her way into Kalinda’s bedroom to look for one and was surprised yet again by the décor. Kalinda’s taste was a cosy French farmhouse style with distressed brick faced walls and up cycled furniture, which she probably did herself. The bed was an impressive king sized four-poster. It was a gorgeous distressed oak colour. The bedding a rich purple with lavender coloured swirls and loads of mismatched throw pillows. There were a couple of other doors in her room. One lead to an en-suite, which also had brick faced walls and a gorgeous sink pedestal that looked Victorian. A matching toilet and a beautiful deep freestanding bath with copper claw feet. The floor was huge, checkered black and white tiles. The other door led to a walk-in closet that was very neatly packed. No blankets in there, though. She looked around the room and saw what looked like a trunk at the foot of her bed. She went to open it and found it was locked. She walked to the bedside table and searched in there for a key. It was very neat so she spotted a couple of keys straight away, along with a note that was folded in half. On it was just the letter “K”, but she could recognise her handwriting. And now that she had picked it up, she also recognised the paper she had written on. Her heart beat faster as she opened the note and read its contents: “Good job on the photos, Kalinda! Can’t wait for drinks later. Tequila? Make that 2…or 3. A x.” That was it, apart from also writing the date. Just a short and simple note that probably took her all of 20 seconds to write with nothing significant on it. Why did Kalinda keep it? Looking back at the date, she realised it was only a few days before she found out about Kalinda and Peter. She read the note again. Looking closer, she could see that it had many creases on it as if it had been scrunched up many times. Maybe it had even been in the bin and Kalinda had changed her mind and taken it out, un-crumpled it and folded it neatly back up. The fact of the matter was that Kalinda had thought that the note was important enough to keep. Had she been wrong about Kalinda’s motives - had Kalinda’s friendship been as real to her as it had been to Alicia? Alicia began to feel awful. Kalinda had kept this note all these years. Alicia folded the note up again and put it back where she found it. As she put it back, she spied a photo hidden under an orange notebook. She could just see a fraction of the photo sticking out, but could see it was a partial face… her face. She took it out and gasped. It was a photo of Alicia with Kalinda. It was at an office victory party after they had won a case. The party where Alicia had finally met Donna who was there with that creep investigator that came to the firm with Derek Bond. Somebody must have taken a candid photo of the two of them. The photo was of Alicia holding Kalinda’s hand as she led her towards where the party was happening after she found Kalinda sitting alone in a dark corner. Looking closely at Kalinda’s face, she noticed that Kalinda was looking down and smiling shyly. She looked gorgeous. How had Kalinda gotten this photo? And she had kept it safe all this time along with the note. Except the photo wasn’t crumpled. It was perfect. She decided to ask Kalinda about it. She put the photo back where she found it and closed the draw before she found anything else. She tried the first of the 2 keys. No luck. Tried the second key. Nope. She put the keys back and then wondered what was in that trunk that Kalinda kept locked. She decided she would rather not know. With no blanket to be found, she yanked Kalinda’s duvet off the bed and carried it off to the lounge. Kalinda was still curled up in a ball. She covered her with the duvet and went to check on the timer. Still 50 minutes to go. She went to the second room which she assumed to be the nursery and saw that Kalinda had painted it grey and looked like she had installed new parquet vinyl flooring. She saw the opened IKEA box that contained the cot and decided to try to assemble it since she had nothing else to do but just wait. It took her 40 minutes to assemble it. Even she was impressed. She thought that she might have broken her own record. She checked that it was all ok - built properly and securely - and then went to check on dinner. 10 minutes to go. She could hear Leela began to wake up. She was making cute little grizzling sounds like she was sucking on her hand. Alicia went to check on her and then heard Kalinda yawn and saw her stretch out and rub her eyes.

“Hey, did you sleep alright?”

“Hey. Yeah. Has Leela just woken up?” Kalinda asked, sitting up.

“Just now. A few seconds before you. Dinner is almost ready, but I can keep it warm while you feed Leela.”

“Thanks. Something smells delicious.” Kalinda smiled sleepily as she picked Leela up from the Moses basket. 

“Good!” Alicia smiled as she heard the oven bell go off. She went off to check on the lasagna and turned the oven down to minimum and left the lasagna in to stay warm.

“Here.” Alicia said, passing Kalinda a glass of milk. 

“Thanks! How did you guess?” Kalinda took it and downed it in one go.

“I just thought you could do with a drink. I know you like your milk.” Alicia smiled and sat down next to Kalinda, who was still breast feeding Leela. “Gosh, she must have been hungry. She’s been feeding for about 15 minutes now.”

“She must take after her father…” The words were out of Kalinda’s mouth before she had time to think about them. “I – I mean, I’m sorry, Ali-“

“Kalinda, please, don’t worry about it! We can’t just stop talking about Will. At the end of the day, he will always be Leela’s dad.”

“I know, but I guess I am still feeling guilty about everything that has happened between us. First with… damn it!” She looked away from Alicia.

“Peter? You can say his name in front of me, Kalinda. I promise you, I am over it. I guess I just wish you had told me before I found out from that Wiley guy.”

“I was going to, you know. I almost did, but-“

“You know what, Kalinda? I really think we should eat something before we do anymore talking. And I need something to drink. Do you have any tequila in any of your cupboards?”

“Nope, sorry. I think I may have some wine in the fridge.”

“Oh yeah, I think I saw some when I was raiding your fridge.” Alicia got up and headed to the kitchen. “Oh by the way, I went into your room to look for a blanket earlier. “ Alicia said over her Shoulder. “I tried the blanket box at the foot of your bed, but it’s locked.”

Kalinda froze for a second before managing to compose an answer. She didn’t want to tell Alicia that the box in question concealed various dangerous weapons… in fact she had been meaning to put them out of sight – in storage - before Leela arrived, but never got round to doing it.

“Yeah, its just some old stuff I keep in there. No blankets. I can’t find the key for it, actually”

“Oh, I can help you look for it if you-“

“No, its ok. Nothing important.’ Kalinda was sweating. Leela had finished feeding and so she put her back in her Moses basket and got up to go help Alicia dish up.

“Oh, ok.” Alicia was drinking wine as Kalinda got some plates out of the cupboard and warmed them up in the microwave. She turned to Kalinda as she waited. “I looked through your bedside table to see if I could find the key…”

“Oh? And?” Kalinda said as she froze yet again trying desperately to remember what might be in there apart from a few of her orange notebooks. She remembered… Shit!

“I wasn’t snooping in case that is what you’re thinking, Kalinda. I was desperately looking for a blanket for you. You looked really cold curled up on your sofa. So I looked in your bedside drawer and I did find a couple of keys. And a couple of other things as well.” Alicia held her breath as she looked at Kalinda. She looked just as Alicia had expected her to look. Worried. 

The microwave pinged and Kalinda got the plates out and set them on the kitchen island. She then turned to Alicia and shrugged her shoulders.

“What do you want me to say, Alicia? That I am happy you found whatever it is you found?”

“I’m guessing you know what I found, Kalinda.” Alicia said as gently as she could. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Kalinda. Especially with Leela just a few feet away.

“So you found the note and the photo. What’s wrong with that? I wasn’t keeping that from you, Alicia. I told you I would be honest with you.”

“Kalinda… I. I wasn’t accusing you of keeping anything from me. I was just surprised that you had kept that note. And then I found that photo. Who gave it to you, anyway? I didn’t realise that photos had been taken that night.”

“Blake.” Kalinda sighed. She went to the oven and got the lasagna out. They may as well eat while they talk about whatever it was Alicia was trying to find out. 

“Blake?”

“Blake Calamar. You know, that asshole that came with Bond. The other-“

“Yeah, I know who you mean. I am just wondering why he took that photo. And why did he give it to you?”

“He was trying to blackmail me. Come on, lets eat. I’m starving. This smells delicious!” Kalinda dished up for both of them and poured herself some more milk. “Where do you want to eat? Here or in the lounge?”

“Um, Lounge. Let me just pour myself some more wine. I think I will need some!”

“Help yourself.” Kalinda took herself back to the lounge with her dinner, drink and some utensils. Alicia followed behind soon after.

“So… why was Blake blackmailing you? And what does that photo have to do with it?”

“You are not going to let this one go, are you? Here.” Kalinda said handing her some utensils.

“Thanks and Nope.” Alicia said as she sat down on the sofa next to Kalinda. Plate on her knee, she tucked into her food. “You know, I remember asking you a long time ago about what Blake had on you. Remember? We were trying to stop Carter Wright’s execution. I was right.”

“I remember.” Kalinda stopped to drink some milk. “I guess you were.”

“So?” Alicia said taking another mouthful of food.

“So what?”

“So.” Alicia had to swallow. “So what did he have on you, Kalinda.”

“He knew about Peter and I. And he knew everything about me, about my past, about Nick.”

“How?” Alicia was stunned. 

“I don’t know. I keep on trying to figure it out. Peter told me he had all my information airtight. That no-one would ever find out.”

“Peter knew about Nick?”

“Some of it. I kept some things from him. Things he didn’t need to know. But that is why… he helped me change my life. To get away from Nick.” Kalinda finished up her last bit of lasagna and got up to take her plate to the kitchen, but Alicia pulled her back down.

“And that’s why you slept with him? To thank him for helping you?” Alicia sounded annoyed. 

“Alicia, I. What do you want me to say?”

“The truth, Kalinda.” 

“Even if it hurts you? I don’t want to hurt you, Alicia. Not Again.” Kalinda got up quickly this time and made her way to the kitchen with her plate. She opened the dishwasher and started packing it. Trying to ignore Alicia’s questions.

“Yes, I want to hear it all.” Alicia got up and followed Kalinda to the kitchen. “There’s nothing else you can say that will hurt me more, Kalinda, unless you lie to me again. That is what hurt the most, you know. Not what you did with Peter. It was the fact that you kept it from me. When I found out… I thought that our whole friendship was a lie.”

“It wasn’t! Alicia, how many times do I have to tell you? You were a real friend to me.” Kalinda was exasperated. She took Alicia’s plate and utensils from her, packed them in the dishwasher and started wiping the kitchen counter.

“Is that why you kept that note from me? I think that was written just before.” Alicia put her hand on Kalinda’s shoulder and turned her towards herself so that they were facing each other. Kalinda just looked into Alicia’s eyes. “Why did you keep that note, Kalinda?”

“I got that note a couple of days before. I left it on my desk, I can’t remember why. Then I saw it again after you confronted me. I kept it because I didn’t think I would ever get a note like that from you again, Alicia. You meant a lot to me. You have to know that.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that? Even when I thought we were friends, you never told me you were glad we were friends. You never shared anything with me.”

“I didn’t think I had to. I thought my feelings were obvious. You never told me that you were glad we were friends either, Alicia.”

“But I shared everything about myself with you.”

“But that is you, Alicia.”

“What about that photo? How was Blake blackmailing you with that photo?”

Kalinda sighed. How was she going to explain that Blake had figured out that Alicia meant more to her than just a friend. But then, after the last day or so and everything that had happened between them, maybe the truth would be the best thing.

“Alicia, do you mind if we go sit down and talk about this.” Kalinda asked, as she closed the dishwasher.

“Sure.” Alicia poured herself a third glass of wine. “More milk?”

“No, thanks.” 

Kalinda was feeling ill about revealing more about herself to Alicia. But if she wanted anything to happen between them then she knew that would only happen if she was completely completely honest with Alicia.

They sat down and made themselves comfortable. Kalinda just looked at Alicia for a while before she said anything. She even bit her bottom lip every now and then, thinking of the best way to just come out with it.

“Kalinda… what are you thinking about?”

“Do you remember me telling you that I wasn’t gay…that I was flexible?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you believe that you can fall in-love with someone instantly. Like, as soon as you meet them?

“Yeah, that’s what happened with me and Peter…”

“Well, I don’t. At least, I didn’t.”

“What about Nick?”

“I never loved Nick. I never even liked him.”

“Then why did you marry him?”

“I was forced to. Look, remember at the hospital, I told you that my dad was not a good man?”

“Yeah?”

“He and Nick were…business partners. They exported drugs. My dad got greedy and took more of the profit for himself. Nick found out and… well to cut a long story short, Nick took me as leverage. He told my dad that he would give me back only once my dad paid him back his share of the profit. My dad agreed. Just like that. He didn’t even put up a fight. My dad even told Nick he could keep me. And that’s how we ended up married.”

“Oh my God! Did’t you try fight it? Tell the police?” Alicia gasped. “ You… you were only fifteen at the time, weren’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“You told me yesterday. It was just you and your dad until you were fifteen… Kalinda, I am… I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem to be the right word.”

“Don’t worry about it, Alicia. He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill me. I believed him.”

Alicia was quiet for a while. Pensive.

“Kalinda, how old are you?”

“Now? I am 31. Why?”

“When did you… run away from him?”

“You mean, when did Peter help me? I was about 23 at the time. Nick had been arrested on a drug trafficking charge. He got 2 years with good behaviour. So that was about 8 years ago. That is when I took my chance to escape. I hitched a ride all the way from Toronto to Chicago.”

Alicia was quiet for again, just sipping her wine and stared straight ahead at a picture on the wall. Kalinda could sense that Alicia was thinking about her and Peter together.

“Alicia, I didn’t want to… do it. When I told you earlier that I didn’t want to hurt you even more… but Peter knew what I had done to get away from Nick. I faked my own death. He used that against me, told me he would not help me unless I slept with him.”

Alicia went pale and looked back at Kalinda.

“He what?”

“You see why I didn’t want to tell you? That is why I never told you. That a-“

“You don’t need it explain anything. It doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you did it. I think I’ve known since I found out about Nick. I have tried putting myself in your shoes. After meeting him, I think I would have done just about anything to escape.”

“You wouldn’t have slept with a married man.”

“How do you know that? I am not the goody-two-shoes everyone thinks I am.”

“Yes you are.” Kalinda smirked.

“Okay, I really don’t know what I would have done. I still don’t get how Blake was blackmailing you with that photo.”

“He needed my help with some Lemond Bishop case. He had gotten himself in trouble and wanted my help, which I had refused. He figured out that… we were good friends and he knew what I had done. He knew that I didn’t want you to find out, so he told me that he would tell you about what had happened with Peter if I didn’t help him.”

“But why take that photo? And why did you keep it?”

“God, Alicia….” Kalinda rolled her eyes, exasperated.

“What? Just tell me.”

“I told you earlier. I am flexible… and I. I never believed that it was possible to fall in-love with someone instantly.”

“So?”

“So… when I found out you were coming to work for Stern-Lockheart-Gardner, I really thought that I wouldn’t like you. At all.”

“Is that because you already knew who I was?”

“Yeah, and the fact that I thought you were going to be some boring, stuck-up housewife.”

“Gee, thanks!” Alicia sounded genuinely offended. 

“The point is, I was wrong about everything. I knew the moment we shook hands that first day, in your office, that I… I had never felt that way… it was like I had been shocked. I just wanted to get to know you better, to be near you. I did everything I could to be on your cases. That is also why I made up those Stern-Lockheart drinking traditions. To be close to you. I knew I was probably making a mistake, but it was just too late. Before I knew it, I was-“

“In-love? You have been in-love with me? All this time?” Alicia’s heart was beating faster now. She was sure Kalinda could probably hear it. And her veins felt like they were going to burst. “What about Donna? And Cary?”

“I broke up with Donna. Don’t you remember how she questioned you at that party? She thought I had left her for you.”

“Did you?”

“I left her because I didn’t want to be with anyone else…”

“But you were with Cary. For quite a while.”

“Yeah, well, that was after you left. I didn’t think I would ever see or speak to you again. And Cary always had a thing for me. I felt sorry for him. And for myself, I guess. I was just lonely. And I did actually care about him. Just not in the way he wanted me to.”

“Do you still… love me, Kalinda?” Alicia was looking into Kalinda’s eyes now. Desperate for something she wasn’t even sure of.

“I have never stopped.” Kalinda said quietly, almost in a whisper, as she looked down into her lap. Almost afraid of what Alicia’s reaction might be. 

Alicia instantly closed the gap between them. First folding her arms around Kalinda in a tight embrace. She then slid her hands along Kalinda’s shoulders and up her neck, finally holding Kalinda’s face. She looked into her eyes momentarily before she closed the gap, her lips crashing against Kalinda’s. 

Kalinda’s mind was in a whirlwind. The feeling of Alicia’s lips on hers was bringing out all the emotions she had been trying to suppress. She was losing control, which is the one thing she was most afraid of. She didn’t want Alicia to know she had a vulnerable side. She wanted to be strong for Alicia. To take care of Alicia – like she had always done. Not have Alicia take care of her. She had fantasised about kissing Alicia probably from their first meeting. She would get a thrill just being near her, or if they touched each other by accident. That is when she realised she was vulnerable to Alicia. After Alicia had kissed her earlier at the hospital - however brief it was – she couldn’t help but wonder what it meant. What had prompted Alicia to kiss her? What had suddenly changed? They hadn’t been close in years and hadn’t spoken to each other face to face in over a year. And now Alicia was giving her the most passionate and amazing kiss that she had ever received. And she lost herself in it. Her hands were everywhere: around Alicia’s waist, rubbing her shoulders, tangled in Alicia’s hair… Her tongue was inside Alicia’s mouth, she was battling to breathe, but she didn’t want it to end. Eventually they both needed to pull apart for air. They were panting, looking at each other, their lips swollen. Eventually Kalinda plucked up the courage to ask.

“Alicia,” she pants heavily, “don’t get me wrong, but why are you kissing me? You are straight… and we haven’t been close for a really long time. What has changed?”

“Nothing... and everything!” Alicia sighed. "When I saw you from the train yesterday morning, it was like I was seeing you as my best friend from all those years ago. All those feelings came rushing back. I saw you were in trouble and I just wanted to help you. Like you have always helped me. So I got off the train. As I approached you, I suddenly felt guilty that we hadn’t spoken for so long. I… Despite what you may believe, I have always cared about you, Kalinda. Even after everything that happened between us.”

“Sorry, I am just confused Alicia. I mean… what has changed? Why kiss me? I really… my feelings for you will never change. Even if I wanted them to… I will always love you. But I just cannot handle you pushing me away again. Ending our friendship again… if you are just being curious-“

“I’m not being curious, Kalinda. I… Do you remember when I asked you if you were gay, all those years ago?”

“Uh…yeah?”

“I wanted you to say yes. I wanted to tell you that I... I was feeling things for you that were more than I should be feeling. I was drinking more tequila’s so that I would get the courage to tell you. But then Will phoned and I had to go. And the opportunity was just lost. I put it down to mid-life crisis and never mentioned it again. Then a few years later, you told me you were flexible. That you were flexible with that FBI agent…”

“That wasn’t anything serious.”

“But I didn’t know that. If you had told me –“

“What? If I had told you that it wasn’t serious with Lana, what would you have done? Taken me up stairs to one of the hotel rooms? Or back to my place?”

“Kalinda.” Alicia sighed. “I don’t know what would have happened. It doesn’t really matter now, does it? What matters is right now. I …I just know that I don’t ever want to be apart from you again. I want to be with you, I want to be in your life and in Leela’s life. If you will let me, then I promise to make it up to you.”

“So what are you saying exactly? You want us to be what? Friends again? More than friends?”

“Remember I told you earlier that life is too short? That I don’t want to waste any more of it?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I meant that I am sick of wasting my life trying to please others and do what they think is right. I want you. To be with you as more than just a friend. I know that it may have taken me 6 years to fall instantly in-love with you. But I just cannot lie to myself or to you about it, Kalinda. Please. Just tell me you will give me another chance?”

“It’s taken you 6 years to fall instantly in-love with me?” Kalinda smirked.

“Yip.” Alicia smiled sheepishly back.

“So you are saying that you love me?”

“Uh, I just said that.”

“No, you didn’t. You said you are in-love with me.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Nope, I want to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Kalinda.”

“Again?”

Alicia moved closer to her and held her face.

“I…. love…you.” 

With each pause, she kissed Kalinda on each cheek, and then a slow kiss on her lips. It quickly heated up into a kiss even more passionate than the one they shared before. It was only the sound of Leela’s cry that interrupted them. They pulled apart and Kalinda sighed.

“Are you sure you are ready to raise another kid?” she said as she picked Leela up and cradled her in her arms. “I mean Zach is already in college and Grace is just about to fly the nest…”

Alicia just laughed, “you can’t get rid of me that easily, Kalinda. As long as we are together then I think I can handle just about anything.”

“Good, because it is your turn to change her diaper.” Kalinda said, handing Leela to Alicia.

“Gladly.” Alicia said, taking Leela to the nursery. “By the way,” she said over her shoulder. I assembled Leela’s cot while you were sleeping.

“You did? Wow, I’m impressed! How did you do that so fast?”

“I had an ulterior motive.”

“And what would that be?”

“Uh…. to impress you with my DIY skills. So you couldn’t possibly resist me.”

“Alicia, you had me at diaper-changing!"

 

~The End~


End file.
